She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
