I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
