dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
