you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
