how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
