I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
one might say we're banned from that church
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
