i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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