I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
