Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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