this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
