i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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