Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
