Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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