Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
