Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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