Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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