I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
