he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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