Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
