I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
