I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
