you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
