Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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