he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
