Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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