Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
