i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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