This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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