I showed him my bush... on skype.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
