Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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