You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
