That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
