I should be sponsored by Trojan
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
