im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
