Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
