i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
