those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
