Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
kristin has been a bad kristin
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
What a dumb baby whore.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
