dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
