I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Dignity is for republicans.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
