you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
