the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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