Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
