I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
