is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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