Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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