I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
