Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
