I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
