just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
