Are we in a gay sports bar?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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